Gratitude and The Art of Chasing Normal

November 11, 2013 | Coleen Patrick

My latest YA novel

Today I’m talking about NORMAL.

Not that I know what “normal” is, exactly. Except to say, sometimes I lose my way and fixate on the grass around my feet that somehow just doesn’t seem to look as green as the grass on the other side of the pasture. The green I used to have, or was supposed to have. Or thought I had.

I don’t know. All I can say is, trying to write about “normal” this week was confusing. I mean, usually when I sit down to write my blog posts I choose whatever floats to the top of my brain, like say, Hey! I’ve got a brand new book!

Except this week something else kept fighting for top billing. I can’t stop thinking about my actual brain–and the MRI scan I had last week.

Sure, health stuff is important, but this was my third scan in three years (I’ve written a bit about it before here). Each time my neurologist has ordered a scan to “Rule out The Chronic Illness That Shall Not Be Named.” But so far, there’s been nothing conclusive. Except physically, I don’t have the bright shiny green-ness I used to.

Plus, there’s the worry. Because there were these unidentified things, not normal things, or maybe they are normal for me (one can hope). Either way they were confusing to the radiologist and doctor, something that maybe shouldn’t be there. Here’s a little graphic to give you an idea of what shouldn’t really be floating in your gray matter:

This is my brain. I’m sure you’re not at all surprised to see all the dessert.

But the problem with chasing after normal, is I think I’m going after me, but I lose a bit of myself in the process.

So, in order to get my brain off the subject of my brain, I’m focusing on my heart by practicing some gratitude.

Here are this week’s highlights:

I’m grateful for my family–and silly faces.

Cornelia Warmenhoven

I am grateful to have heard Cornelia speak at a Kristallnacht Memorial service yesterday. Cornelia is a rescuer and an inspiration. She worked with the Dutch resistance against the Nazis during World War II. I’m especially grateful for brave rescuers like Cornelia because my husband is a grandchild (and my kids, great-grandchildren) of Holocaust survivors.

I’m grateful for a college visit that took us on a scenic country drive. And for barns. Barns are awesome.

I’m grateful for my parents–and the U.S. Coast Guard.

Yes, I’m thankful to the U.S. Coast Guard for moving my dad and our family every couple of years. I’m serious! Because of this nomadic experience, I’ve been forever fascinated with the idea of living life in one place and falling in love with the boy next door (and road trips, but that’s another Grace and Zac story). Which leads me back around to…

I’m grateful for my new book.

I’m so thankful I get the opportunity to write, especially characters like Grace and Zac. I started this story several years ago, but it wasn’t until 2011 when they came back with more to tell, that I started reworking this one. It’s been so much fun writing about friendship and love and the boy next door. You can find out more about THE ART OF CHASING NORMAL here.

Last, but not least, I’m also grateful for YOU.

Huge thanks and big hugs to you for taking the time to read, or comment, or share. You are what make this part so rewarding. You make me feel a part of a super awesome community when I emerge from my writing cave. Tons of thanks for taking the time to share a part of your lives with me.

Happy Monday.

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A Food Reunion: My Big Fat Gluten-Filled Week

October 22, 2012 | Coleen Patrick

I’m drinking the day and eating the pizza.

Because I am having a bit of a carpe diem moment this week. My doctor ordered me to eat gluten to prepare for a test.

So, for the last week, I’ve been busy with some serious cramming.

And it’s been a dizzying sort of delish, the kind that begins with pizza and well, will probably end with pizza. Because you can’t have a serious study session without pizza.

Gluten-free pizza cannot compete with this crust.

After more than a year of eating gluten-free, I’m having quite the food reunion.

Meet the star of Thanksgiving 2010.

My old friend, stuffing.

And her distant, but sweet cousin pie showed up too.

I was so touched when my Pinterest food boards made an appearance at the reunion. After all, I haven’t known them that long. It was comforting to see them get along so well with my dear friend the bakery case.

The bakery case, shimmering like a mirage.

In the corner (of the freezer) I found the last cupcake from my daughter’s birthday last month. What a treat!

Cupcake with a cookie dough center.

I met delightful strangers . . .

Pumpkin whoopie pie

And pals that always got me in trouble when we hung out. . .

Frosting with a little scone.

And no get together would be complete without a few partypoopers. They always show up, right?

Don’t worry, I ate ’em.

My closest friend, warm crusty bread was there. I can’t seem to find any photographs, though. Couldn’t stay still long enough, I suppose.

But believe me, we had plenty of face time.

Good thing, because my gluten party is almost over. Will you pass me a napkin? I’ve got a date with exercise.

Just as soon as I emerge from my carb coma.

What food is the star at your party?

Tell me in the comments! I have three more gluten days to go and I might’ve missed something (it’s possible). 🙂

Making Change a Sweet Transformation

September 19, 2012 | Coleen Patrick

Two years ago I signed up for weekly emails to train for a 5k. At the time I was walking 5 miles a day and had just started adding jogging. I thought it would be motivating, maybe even fun to collect 5k race t-shirts.

Of course, life had other plans and before I could even get a second 5k training email, I was at the doctor for neck pain. I thought it was just a pinched nerve, but it wasn’t. My doctor sent me for x-rays and physical therapy, but more symptoms arrived that landed me in a neurologist’s office.

Then came MRIs, a spinal tap and several other poking and prodding sorts of tests. Life became a series of NEW things, including conversations about possible diseases you never think could be in your future, but were now a MAYBE.

All I wanted was a stupid 5k race t-shirt.

Forget the shirt, I just wanted my OLD things back.

The thing is, I really can’t go back. I’ve gotten some answers. One of which is something called small fiber neuropathy, aka the foot and hand terrorist that turns my nerves into zombies (they’re dead, but they can still wreak havoc). Oh and it’s “idiopathic” which means of course, no one knows why I have it. Not even Google knows (and we are very close, I’m expecting my internet medical degree in the mail any day now).

All this time I’ve been waiting for answers, but it was just this last week that I realized I’d been under the assumption that once I had the answer I would also have the solution. But I don’t, not the kind that would make the nerve damage and whatever is causing it, to go away.

It was another reminder that we don’t always get the answers we want, or even answers at all in life. So yea, it’s my new thing. Maybe the old things were better. Maybe. But this is what I’m moving into my future with, so I have to deal.

And guess what? I don’t think that 5k t-shirt is so stupid. I still want it. Yes, there is an inclination to just forget about it, even forget about the exercise I am still attempting to do (no matter how lame the old me might think it to be).

Except I’m still here and to me that means no giving up allowed.

So how does one go about moving forward after suck-tastic change?

Well, I’m all about baby steps. You can still cover the distance that way.

And gratitude helps, but don’t beat yourself up by playing the Olympic pain games. You know, the ones that make you feel like you can’t be mad or sad because someone else’s life sucks more than yours.

Above all, try to be kind to yourself!

Which brings me to the greeting family and friends have been giving each other the last couple of days: “Have a SWEET new year.” This week began the Jewish new year. Like the new year in January, it is a time to take stock of the previous year. It’s an opportunity for change, renewal and spiritual transformation.

The new year challah is round to symbolize the cycle of the year, the circle of life and the opportunity for spiritual transformation.

You see that honey in the background of the photo? Apples and challah bits got a good dunking in the sweet stuff. My daughter even doused her corn kugel (pudding) with honey.

A little sweet can go a long way. Even just the idea of it offers up HOPE.

Like imagining a future post with me in a 5k t-shirt. 🙂

So be sweet to yourself.

Or focus on the new things that are awesome. For me that’s thinking about publishing my first book or seeing the Grand Canyon with my husband and kids in a couple of months.

With dangling carrots like those it’s easier to maintain some forward motion.

So, whatever changes you are in the middle of, I wish you a sweet transformation!

How do you deal with change? What are the dangling carrots that keep you going?

I love it when you comment!

There is No One Right Answer, but Decision Determines Everything

August 27, 2012 | Coleen Patrick

It does not take much strength to do things, but it requires a great deal of strength to decide what to do.
― Elbert Hubbard

It’s called BOGGLE for a reason.

Have you ever played the game WOULD YOU RATHER?

Would you rather drive a moped across a tight rope OR go over Niagara Falls in a barrel?

Would you rather drink black coffee OR eat dry cereal?

It’s almost always funny or absurd scenarios, for which there is no right answer.

Because it’s just a game. Real life however, requires decisions all the time. Some of course, require little effort.

Paper or plastic? Do you want butter on your popcorn? Would you like to try the smoothie of the week?

But some decisions feel HUGE and require research and thought.

Some of the mail my kids have been getting from colleges.

It’s easy to feel buried under the brochures of possibilities and decisions. I feel like that when it comes to my writing–the decisions that need to be made in editing and publishing.

Or what about the tricky decisions that impact family or friends? Or decisions about health?

Recently I’ve been grappling with the issue of a new medication. Do I want to deal with the crappy side effects or the crappy symptoms for which I’m on it in the first place?

It feels like someone is asking me if I want to eat squid or snails.

Honestly, I don’t want to eat either.

Decisions, decisions.

When it comes to decision-making, we hear go with your gut, but then are advised to be careful of emotion. Some say take your time and others say make the leap. We need to check our history, but stay in the present and oh wait, don’t forget the future!

What do you do?

I guess it’s a little of everything–our gut, our emotion, revisiting the past, thinking it through (a pros and cons list can help here) and even taking the leap, because eventually we have to decide.

It doesn’t matter which side of the fence you get off on sometimes. What matters most is getting off. You cannot make progress without making decisions.

~Jim Rohn

Progress is good (even baby steps).

But, okay, not ALL decision-making turns out stellar. Like the time my husband decided, yes, he DID want to try the smoothie of the week. The flavor? Peanut butter and jelly.

My hubby now has strong opinions about PB & J belonging between two slices of bread.

Progress, right?

bad decisions funny story

How do you make decisions? Playing the game–if you had to choose, would you rather be PARANOID for the rest of your life or NAIVE?

I love it when you comment!

Have a GREAT week.

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Help Stop Diabetes

March 26, 2012 | Coleen Patrick

March 27th is the American Diabetes Association Alert Day– a one-day, “wake-up call” to alert the public to take the Diabetes Risk Test to find out if they are at risk for developing type 2 diabetes.

Every 17 seconds someone is diagnosed with diabetes.

My brother was diagnosed with Type 1 when he was eleven years old. Type 1 is commonly diagnosed in children and young adults and is caused when the insulin-producing cells in the pancreas are destroyed by an autoimmune response.

I wrote a little bit about how my brother inspired me here.

Type 2 diabetes is the most common form of diabetes. It is known as non-insulin dependent diabetes, and is caused when either the body does not produce enough insulin or the cells ignore the insulin.

Millions of Americans have been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, and many more are unaware they are at high risk.

The ADA’s Diabetes Risk Test asks users to answer simple questions about weight, age, family history and other potential risk factors for pre-diabetes or type 2 diabetes. Preventative tips are provided for everyone who takes the test, including encouraging those at high risk to talk with their health care provider.

Check out the test here. Take it. Share it.

Also, coming up this May is best selling author Brenda Novak’s yearly online auction for finding a cure for diabetes. Check out her site to see how you can make a difference. There are always amazing items up for bid–including an entire category for writers.

As always, I love to hear from you! Please feel free to share in the comments how you are making steps toward a healthier life.

Have a happy, healthy week.

Waiting for the Answers

February 27, 2012 | Coleen Patrick

Last week I ran into the grocery store to pick up a few things.

Diced tomatoes. Check.

Cereal. Check.

Bread. Check

BIZ. Huh?

It was a mystery. One I’d written down myself only twenty minutes earlier, and still I stood there in aisle nine staring helplessly at the baking powder and flours, as if they might offer me up some sort of clue as to what BIZ was supposed to be.

But I got nothing. A brain fog—or my “duh cloud” as I’ve recently started calling it—had rolled in, only this time I found myself wondering: What is wrong with me? Am I just tired, or is this one more symptom to add to the list?

Because BIZ hasn’t been the only thing I’ve been wondering about. For the last eighteen months I’ve been dealing with some weird health issues—going several rounds in a game I call Stump the Doctor.

The bonus of the game is learning other random things I didn’t know about myself, like that I was deficient in vitamin D, and that even though I think pizza is the perfect food–my body rejects its gluten and dairy essence. Oh and that I am claustrophobic.

Well, I had my suspicions about that last one, but the two mri’s confirmed it.

Along with something odd showing up in my gray matter.

There’s Waldo, off on a new adventure

So my doctor isn’t sure what Waldo (and his friends) are doing there in my otherwise healthy brain. Or whether or not Waldo’s presence is actually the one causing my limbs to tingle like Bella on the day she met her sparkly Edward or for my right side to occasionally go numb in a way that makes me think I might do well cast as an extra on The Walking Dead.

Or the BIZ brain fog. Surely there’s a chance that my blonde hair is weighing me down, but more likely I am letting the stress of waiting for answers muck up my short-term memory.

That’s kind of what unanswered questions do—they can make you a little crazy sometimes.

Will that boy ever love me?

Am I going to get into the college of my dreams?

What will agent 99 say about my novel? (And will I get the call on my shoe phone?)

And the big one: Am I going to get an answer that I want to hear?

Waiting for those answers is kind of like trying to find Waldo. Sometimes it’s quick and other times we get stuck staring at that page filled with a million characters in varying shades of red and white wondering when we’re going to see him.

If you can’t beat ’em join ’em?

Except turning the page is an option. Waiting doesn’t always have to feel like sitting in Limbo’s plastic chair reading a People magazine from 1999 while time resumes its frenetic pace around us.

Infuse your life with action. Don’t wait for it to happen. Make it happen. Make your own future. Make your own hope. Make your own love. And whatever your beliefs, honor your creator, not by passively waiting for grace to come down from upon high, but by doing what you can to make grace happen… yourself, right now, right down here on Earth.

~Bradley Whitford

In the meantime, I’m gonna keep on keeping on.

First stop is the aisle where they sell the um, B 12.

Because apparently that’s the BIZ.

What do you do when you get stuck waiting on the unanswered questions?